Visions of Jesus, Mary, and Cheetos

I was recently reading my local news website and stumbled upon a slide show of pictures showing supposedly ethereal images of the big JC and his virgin mother among everyday items. I remember hearing about this type of stuff for years. Events like the Virgin Mary's image showing up on a toenail clipping and thousands of religious zealots rushing to worship at the feet (get the pun?) of Mother Mary. Now who am I to argue why holy entities would want to resurrect their form within the setting of a Cheeto or a pizza pan? Who can question that divine judgment? I, however, can find many other things that these normal, everyday objects look like rather than the holy symbols of the Christian Mythology.

Here we have a Jesus Cheeto also known as Cheetus. I see this thing and I picture a lion sitting up or a buffalo. If it is Jesus, he lost his legs below the kneecaps. All hail the holy buffalo!

We also have the vision of Mary in this piece of wood, further proof that these divine characters exist. We could question the existence of God and his divine players if it were not for the emergence of holy shapes in unlikely places. To me this looks like a hand giving a big thumbs up. Maybe it's God's hand and he's saying, "Good job on cutting this tree down and destroying my Earth." Maybe if we cut down the tree right next to this one, we could get a two thumbs up review from the big guy.

The old saying that God is everywhere must be true. Grilled cheese sandwiches, muffin pans, and many others items supposedly boast these divine images, so check your underwear everyday to see if your butt stains resemble any part of the divinity. Then you could truly say, "Holy Shit!"

The Perfect Wedding

Weddings are a beautiful experience for a couple. I often reminance about the wonderful day I stared into my wife's lovely eyes and said, "I do." As I cruised around the Internet, I stumbled upon this picture. This wedding experience seemed to pertain to a different kind of couple. I doubt this guy, or any of the wedding guests, were staring into this woman's eyes as he said, "I do." And she's wearing that dress in white? Really?

TV Still Continues to Find Ways to Astound Me

Last night I happened upon one of the most hilarious TV programs that I have ever seen: The TV Land Awards. Here was a show that was based on giving TV shows that ran twenty or thirty years ago awards for being the shows that they were. Never mind the fact that all of the show were the ones that TV Land runs through syndication. I could only muster about 30 minutes of it, but in that time I got to see Home Improvement "win" a Fan Favorite Award and "Magnum P.I. "win" the Heroes award. I added the quotes around the word win because there weren't any other nominees besides the winner. It was like giving a lifetime achievement award to the cast of a 80's or 90's sitcom. I cannot truthfully say that I enjoyed the program, but it was like watching a train wreck featuring the cast members of shows I watched as a youth and young adult. It did, however, give me an idea for some awards. We could give the show Leave It to Beaver the Biggest Beaver Shot on TV Award, the show Saved by the Bell the Holy Crap, I've Seen that Chick's Bush in Showgirls Award, and the show Alf the Thing that Loves to Eat Pussy Cats Award. Damn, it seems that I only have one thing on my mind, and it's not TV Land.