Reality Show Mania

It's amazing the crap that TV producers will package and sell to networks. It's even more amazing that people watch this junk. First came the fad of reality TV shows such as Survivor and Big Brother. These eventually spawned reality TV networks such as FOX Reality and TruTV. Just a few minutes ago, I saw a commercial for a reality show about Rehab at the Hard Rock Hotel. The commercial glorified all the aspects of reality TV gold: a unique landscape, people acting like spoiled toddlers, and of course, scantily clad women.

Since other people can come up with great ideas for stupid reality TV shows and make money, why can't I? I have an idea for a show called, Public Restrooms. The premise is the documentaton of how people treat restrooms, what they do in there, and how they react to noisy and smelly depositors. I figure if their going to put crap on TV, why not make it literal.

Questions I've Always Wondered

How come God's country isn't in the United Nations? Does he not want peace for mankind?

If they add braille to drive up ATM's, why doesn't McDonalds do the same thing to their drive thru menu?

If humans are so evolved, why are we the only creature that has to wipe our asses?

If getting a vasectomy is called getting fixed, why isn't having a baby called going broke?

If age makes you wise, what the hell happened here?





If prostitution is the world's oldest profession, how in the hell did guys make money to buy sex?



And finally...

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Absolutely Amazing!

You may have seen this heavily run scene from a recent Corona commercial. It is incredible! No, not the bikini clad beach blond who slides in a sultry fashion across the screen. Not the beautiful blue waves lovingly caressing the white sandy beach. It's incredible that the red headed guy is sitting in the sun without a shirt! His girl doesn't have to squeeze a lime at him. He'll get his, oh yes, he'll get his.

Even Refs Need to Wipe Their Balls from Time to Time

It's football time again, and there's nothing like the smell of barbeque lingering on a fall breeze, the deafening crack of a hard tackle, or the slight of hand performed by referees when they officiate a Patriots game.

Being a Raiders fan, I feel that refs have always made it a point to screw my team, but that was never so obvious as the infamous "Tuck Rule" which helped the Pats get to their first Super Bowl of this decade. Now it seems that these generous officials are at it again. Maybe they fear Bill Belichick. Whatever the case, the refs are caught in the act again. This time during the Monday night 2009 opener against the Buffalo Bills. It seems that the ref gave the Patriots a generous spot, and then decided it wasn't generous enough. He picks up the ball, pretends to wipe it, and places it a half yard farther down field. The chains were not even brought out.

Why aren't officials like this severely reprimanded for their crimes? Roger Goodell seems to crack down on misbehaving players. Maybe he should do the same for his officiating crews.

You can check out the video of this at www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxA95K5gP9s

Words of Hope

In this time of economic crisis, many people tend to lose faith in the system, their society, and themselves. Although I myself am feeling the financial sting of the recession, I do have some words of hope, albeit, false hope. Sometimes false hope is better than no hope, so when life is kicking your eyebrows off, remember these sayings to build up your faith in a system of bullshit and a life that so closely mirrors.

Don't cry because you had a bad day. Your whole life sucks anyway.

Just wear a smile...unless you're fat or ugly. Then cover up.

They say that one man's trash is another man's treasure, but you're a trashy slut to everyone.

Someday I'm gonna be somebody. Unfortunately it's not someone you ever wanted to be.

Don't worry about keeping up with the Joneses. Unless of course you get the DT's.

Everyone thinks you're incredible............................ly retarded.

When life hands you lemons, you've probably got scurvy.

AND FINALLY

There's always tomorrow for dreams to come true. Just keep saying that everyday.

Just Wash Your Hands People

You would think that in a world that is so enlightened scientifically and culturally more people would actually wash their hands after using the restroom. Unfortunately this is an epidemic which spans out across our population.

As a man I constantly witness men walking away from urinals and marching straight out the door. I still find this utterly disgusting, but I also hear from my wife that women often do this as well. This may be even more disgusting because a man could piss without really touching anything but his clothes if he was really careful. How does a woman wipe herself after pissing without some crossover to her hand? My wife told me last week that one of the teenage girls who works with my seven year old son at Tae Kwon Do walked out of the restroom without washing her hands. Then this girl is touching children as she helps them put their belts on. Disgusting! It's even more disgusting when (man or woman) takes a shit and walks out without washing his or her hands.

Living in Las Vegas I sometimes make my way to a casino or two. Casino restrooms house an abundance of people who use the facilities and then walk out without washing. With so many people drinking, the chances people using the restroom must strengthen. Now these same foul individuals are out in the casino touching the games, the cards, the dice, and the handles of the spoons in the buffets. Other people are touching these same surfaces and eating with their hands at the buffet, placing cigarettes up to their mouths, or using their hands in other activities in which these germs transfer to their facial area. I suggest that these casinos hire a bathroom witness whose job it is to just stand there and give shit to anyone who tries to walk out of the bathroom without washing his or her hands. How many of these foul individuals would suddenly wash out of fear of being judged? I'm sure not all, but I would bet a hell of a lot less germs would be floating around out on the casino floor and in the eateries.

The Haunting Facts

Over the past couple of weeks I not only watched the movie "The Haunting in Connecticut" but a couple of "A Haunting..." TV programs. I watch the programs almost as comedies because the crap that these people spout out is hilarious. For the record, I do not truly believe in ghosts, but the entertainment value of these programs cannot be denied.



First off, the people in these programs come across as idiots who do not stay consistent in their stories. For example, the last one I saw had a woman who stated near the end of the program that she was an atheist but now believes in the afterlife because of her haunting experience. At the beginning of the program, the same woman was telling a story about how her child was scared before she realized the ghostly activity, and she said some prayers with the child. Now maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that atheists don't say prayers to God with their children. Speaking of atheists, how come they never are haunted. It's always some God fearing christian (never Catholic) whose own reverend or preacher is unequipped to deal with an exorcism. Then this old couple, the Warrens I believe, who study supernatural phenomena come in with their own priest and save the day after a showdown.

My favorite is when a demon is haunting the home and giving the family messages such as "Get out". What the hell does a demon want with a house, especially in this economy? I thought demons wanted to corrupt humankind, not build their property portfolio. At least if a demon is going to infiltrate a house, why wouldn't it pick a multimillion dollar estate rather than a falling apart 100 year old dwelling?

I also like how the air gets chilly cold when the demon is near. I thought demons came from Hell which is supposed to be hot not cold. If demons can harness the power of chilly air, why is Hell filled with fire and brimstone rather than icebergs and penguins? I lived in Arizona and Nevada for the majority of my life, and I often find myself wishing I had one of these demons in the summer months. Free AC baby!