Visions of Jesus, Mary, and Cheetos

I was recently reading my local news website and stumbled upon a slide show of pictures showing supposedly ethereal images of the big JC and his virgin mother among everyday items. I remember hearing about this type of stuff for years. Events like the Virgin Mary's image showing up on a toenail clipping and thousands of religious zealots rushing to worship at the feet (get the pun?) of Mother Mary. Now who am I to argue why holy entities would want to resurrect their form within the setting of a Cheeto or a pizza pan? Who can question that divine judgment? I, however, can find many other things that these normal, everyday objects look like rather than the holy symbols of the Christian Mythology.

Here we have a Jesus Cheeto also known as Cheetus. I see this thing and I picture a lion sitting up or a buffalo. If it is Jesus, he lost his legs below the kneecaps. All hail the holy buffalo!

We also have the vision of Mary in this piece of wood, further proof that these divine characters exist. We could question the existence of God and his divine players if it were not for the emergence of holy shapes in unlikely places. To me this looks like a hand giving a big thumbs up. Maybe it's God's hand and he's saying, "Good job on cutting this tree down and destroying my Earth." Maybe if we cut down the tree right next to this one, we could get a two thumbs up review from the big guy.

The old saying that God is everywhere must be true. Grilled cheese sandwiches, muffin pans, and many others items supposedly boast these divine images, so check your underwear everyday to see if your butt stains resemble any part of the divinity. Then you could truly say, "Holy Shit!"